Elena's Diary
by Marissalyn
Summary: This was requested over a year ago, so sorry it took so long to write. I hope you guys think it was worth the wait. Happy Valentine's Day (even though it's just a Hallmark holiday)! This is about Elena explaining her reasons for being in love with Damon. Oneshot. R&R please.
1. Chapter 1

I want to memorize him, to doggy ear all of my favorite parts, like the little chip in his front tooth where he must've fallen as a boy, the veins that stuck out on his arms and hands like a map that I needed to know the contours of. His adams apple that moved whenever he swallowed, and the stubble that grazed my neck when we hugged. I know the sound he makes whenever he rolls over onto his side when he sleeps, and how he bites his lip when he concentrates really hard on one thing. I love him, from the tip of his toes to the small alfalfa he has in the morning (don't tell him I said that though diary). It makes me smile now about how goofy Damon Salvatore can really be when no one else is around and the world isn't falling down on his shoulders.

My Damon was different from everyone elses Damon. Everyone knew him as the agitated drunk who slept around and made more sarcastic comments than pretty much anyone. That's not the Damon I fell in love with. I fell in love with the Damon that kidnapped me and took me to Georgia, the man who sung Taylor Swift when he thought no one was listening, sometimes he would even sing around me, and let me tell you, those were some of the best moments, not because he was a good singer (which of course is a given), but because he had fun with it. Damon was truly happy when he was with me, and that's not some way of me trying to make myself feel better, I honestly believe that, and I'm pretty sure that everyone else would agree if they hadn't said it already.

Damon was the type of guy who everyone despised and he let them think what they wanted, because if they truly knew the real Damon, I think they would like him almost as much as I do. I couldn't imagine a world without him, Stefan pales in his presence no matter how much Caroline goes on about a June wedding. I just got tired of the whole good guy act, especially when I realized that it was infact an act. When Stefan left and became what I most feared, I don't think I would've made it through those dark months without Damon. I'm not saying that Stefan is a bad guy, we all have our faults, even if his is eating over a thousand people. We all have a dark side, a part of us that we like to keep buried, but when you love someone, you let them know all of you, not just a part. When you love someone you don't lie to them, even if you think it's to protect them. Damon has never lied to me, he has always treated me like an adult and not some girl he had to keep safe from all of the monsters that were out there.

I can't really pinpoint the exact moment in which I fell in love with Damon, but I have always known that it was going to be bigger than anything I had ever had with Stefan. I loved Stefan, but I am in love with Damon. Damon brings out the best in me, the part of me that I had locked away after my parents had died. Stefan put me on a pedestal, it was so high that I was afraid that if I wobbled, I would fall off. Damon treated me as an equal, and I couldn't ask for anything more than to be understood. Damon just got me, he knew what I was thinking before I even knew what I was thinking, and he loved me for me, he loved all of me. Stefan could only love what I had sculpted myself to be for him. He could only love me for what he thought I was, that if I was human and he could save me everytime something went wrong, that was what he preferred, and that's what he wanted. I wanted more for myself, I wanted to save myself, to love myself again, to be who I was before the accident. Damon made me remember who I was, he allowed me to find myself again.

I know that it sounds cheesy, but it's true, I love Damon Salvatore, for everything that he is. I love the monster inside him, and how brutally honest he is. I love the freckles that splashed across his nose in just the right lighting, and I loved how I got lost in his eyes every time I looked at him. I loved myself best when I was with him.

There are just so many things to love about him, and I could fill this entire journal with my feelings for him, but I'll just leave it at this, Damon Salvatore fills me. For every empty or broken part of me, it's filled with Damon's love and compassion. I never truly forgave myself for what happened to my parents, what Jeremy had gone through, how Jenna died for us, and even how Alaric had left both of us before it was his time, until Damon whispered in my ear every single thing that he regretted. He spoke of his mother, and his father, Stefan and him as kids, and the maid that secretly loved him best. I knew Damon had done a lot of horrible things, but horrible doesn't quite cover it. It was hard at times to hear what he had to say, how it felt to snap Jeremy's neck , and how every single time that he had let Stefan down, he would watch him leave, never telling him how happy he became when he would resurface again.

Damon held a lot back, and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to hate myself, because I knew he did, even though I would give anything for him to know how I felt about him, because no matter how much I tell him that I loved him, and whispered sweet nothings in his ear, I still can't change him, and I don't want to, because I love Damon best when he is himself.

"What are you writing about?" I was dragged out of my thoughts by his voice. I was brought back into the real world as I lay against Damon's chest, his chin resting in my hair as I felt his shallow breath on my scalp. I could never tell him how much I wanted to love him, I knew that I could never love him as much as I'd like to, but I would keep trying until my lungs gave and my eyes fluttered shut for the last time. I just wanted to rip open his chest and crawl inside his ribcage, I would never be as close to him as I'd like to be. I smirked, "I'm not telling." He slid his hands along my stomach, pushing my shirt up to my sternum. "Why not?" he asked. I bit my tongue, "Cause." He nipped at my ear, "That's not an excuse." there was a pause that enveloped my giggle before he whispered, "Am I in it?" I sucked air through my teeth, if only he knew, "Irritatingly so." I whispered back. I could feel his smile against my temple, "Good." Maybe one day I'd let him read it, but for now, this was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been awhile I know. Life's been pretty interesting, but now that summer vacation has started, you guys might be seeing some more from me. I'm currently working on an Orange is the New Black fic right now. I don't want to put any of it up until I have at least five chapters though. I'm sure if you have read my other writings, you would know that I tend to not finish my stories.

Anyways, I noticed the other day that people were asking for more additions to Elena's diary, so I am considering more, but don't expect them. I figured that this would be a good add-on though.

Let me know what you think. Review, favorite, all of that good stuff.

-Marissa

He's gone. Damon is gone and I am left to deal with that. It hasn't even been a month since and I can't hold myself together anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, that they'll figure out a way to get them back, but Bonnie's gone too. Unless another witch pops up somewhere with knowledge of the other side, my guess is we aren't going to find a way to save my best friend and the love of my life.

Stefan keeps looking at me like I have terminal cancer. There used to be a time where I believed his words were like a salve to my wounds, now every time I see him, it makes me just want to give in to the hunger. To be what Damon always thought he was, a heartless monster. I mean what's the point? My heart is gone. Damon took it with him, and I don't think I'd want it back if it meant I'd still have to live in a world without him.

Caroline tip toes around me, waiting for me to blow up in everyone's faces. Alaric has been sleeping in Jenna's room again, Jeremy couldn't be happier. The worst part is it seems like everyone else has moved on, like they have already exhausted every possible option to bringing them back. They always manage to be sad around me though, to pity me because I'm not as strong as they all thought I was. Well fuck them. I've been strong enough for everyone when they couldn't handle things, when Stefan was feeding on people just because he didn't know how to stop, and when Caroline's biggest fear was Matt hating her. I was the one that stood by them, helped them, and went out of my way to fix things. It's like they don't even want to try. I realize Damon wasn't a favorite, but he is my favorite, my person, my love.

Caroline can't even stand to be around me anymore, getting cuddly with Stefan as of late. It's like I'm draining them of their happiness. I'd rather just sleep, that way I can at least dream that Damon still has his arms wrapped around me. I know him; he wouldn't choose to leave me, not when we had just found each other again. Damon missed the time frame because he was helping someone no doubt. He was a good man, a strong and dependable man no matter what anyone else says. I knew from the moment he traded his life for the sake of Caroline's when he was bitten by Tyler that he was a new man, a changed man who realized that he had been in the wrong.

He told me that I would have liked him back in 1864, but the thing is, I loved him then and I love him even more now. Hell, even when he first showed up around town, when he turned Vicky, I still saw something in him no one else saw. Not even Stefan could see what I had. Compassion, Damon was full of it.

The only thing keeping me from skipping town, going rouge, and becoming Katherine is the possibility of Damon returning. The chances are slim, but if he ever knew, if he ever found out that I had turned off my humanity again, it would ruin him. He would seize to be the man he fought to be, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone him.

So I'll keep fighting. For me, for him. Until my eyes meet his again.


End file.
